My husband and I are separated and I'm trying to be strong desperately praying for him to return to our marriage. Yesterday was my birthday and I have been depressed all day from not hearing from him at all. He's told me it's over, he's moved on , and that he wants a divorce. Still I am hopeful as I walk with the Lord standing on His word yet I am very much struggling to finish the task of being at the grocery store.
Finally I get to my car and drive away but have to quickly pull over to fall apart. As I'm bawling at my impromptu pitty party for one Chris Tomlin's "Amazing Grace" is on K-LOVE reminding me that Jesus took my place and neared the cross for me. In an instant I kick everyone out and end the pity party and remind myself of what I have to be thankful for and of how much my Lord who loves me has done for me. Here I am whining over a husband whose only been a boy in this marriage while the Creator of universe who sacrificed Himself for me so that we could be together forever gets overlooked. As if it wasn't enough, as if He wasn't enough...
As I pull in to my parking space "So will I" comes on and reminds me of the beauty and majesty of the God who loves me and return my focus to Him and just in my car as the music penetrates my body. I close my eyes and imagine "in the vapor of His breath the planets form" and let the lyrics sink in and really resonate in my heart.
Still I shuffle out of the car in a daze and begin to head up into my apartment alone and notice two neighbors carrying in groceries. I hadn't forgotten all about my groceries. As I go back to get my groceries I begin to start another pity party and ask the Lord "where is my Boaz, Lord?"
Again as I come into my home I begin to fall apart again wondering how I've managed to waste almost 20 years of my adult life on two failed marriages to men who are not up to the responsibility of being a sober, a husband, a provider, or a father to their children.
I try to pull myself together and turn ring up the K-LOVE app on my laptop and "Magnify" comes on and I'm finally reentered focused on my Lord, His name, His glory, His will, and His will for my life and all my troubles les fade away as the peace washes in like a slow wave crashing softly on my heart and soul.
Thank you, K-LOVE. Thank you, Jesus. You always know just what I need and how to touch my heart. God has been using you in my life for 13 yrs on so many occasions like tonight to let me know that I am loved, taken care of, a priority, and that it's all going to be alright.
