This is my story, this is my song...Praising MY Savior, all the day long.

I don't know how much my husband will do before he gets out. I try to not think about it. It's very hard. I start to think about how long he's gone, how much longer, getting a job and hardly being around the kids, having to raise my kids by myself, what my expections of a marriage were and how this is where I'm at. It's heartbreaking that my kids don't have their dad around and more that I do this alone.

We get married for companionship. We have children to be a family. It's hard to feel and be a part of that when I do it alone.

But God loves me and He knew I would feel this way and He let me know I was not alone by bringing me to Him soon after Tim was gone. He knew I would be lonely so He showed me Himself. I never KNEW the Lord Jesus before Tim went in. He has sustained me and brought me to Him and showed me that He is my provider of all things. He has shown me that He never leaves me and He never disappoints me nor will He.

I'd probably be dead by now or wishing I was had it not been for Him freeing me of my sin and my desire to be rebellious.

My husband signed a plea for 7 yrs. I don't know if that means he'll do all of it. He has been up for parole 3 times and been denied all of them, obviously. He also got a 10 yr sentence. I don't know how all of this works. If he doesn't get in more trouble the longest he'll do is 2012. I can't even think in those numbers.

I don't know if you know but my husband and I started having problems before April was born. We got back into drugs. I got pregnant and we seperated. I stopped and he continued on drugs. I had April and then wanted to be irresponsible too. I got hooked. We got back together off and on. We fought a lot. We gave our kids to our parents so we could continue to do drugs. We got in a physical fight -he's been in custody ever since.

My parents and I fought on the way home from the hospital. They dropped me off at my house, alone, with a broken jaw. I was still hopped up on drugs. I went through several days of aloneness awake, wired and wacked out. I got what I wanted. I was completely in charge of my life and nobody could tell me what to do. I was scared, broken, and alone.

I remembered what my husband had said to me about finding answers from God in the Bible. One night I decided to try God and take His advice. I spent 2 1/2 hours reading my Bible for the first time ever(2005.) God led me through the gospel. I read of His Son and His sacrifice and His love for me; and I finally understood. I believed and I wanted to follow.

I was reborn. It almost happened overnight, my change. I feel like Paul on the road to Damascus. The scales fell off my eyes and I understood. I saw how ugly my heart is and how beautiful Jesus is. I gave up a lifestyle and what seemed like a lifetime of drug, alcohol, and tobacco use.

The drugs were first. About a week after my jaw. I decided I never wanted to be that way or that person again. It only led to ugliness. There were times when I did want to but after I heard a song on KLOVE I could see clealy in my mind Jesus' wrists pierced. He was bleeding and He was on the cross... for me; and I realized He was there for me... for my forgiveness... for my freedom. I understood what He had done for ME.

I realized He loved me. He loves me unconditionally and I'm never alone. I had been longing for that my WHOLE life, well ever since puberty. I knew where He had found me, I knew HE brought me to Him. I knew He had saved me -from myself, and my sin and a life of embracing it. I couldn't go back to that life. I couldn't look Him in the eye (visual picture in my mind) and go back there.

The smoking was next. One day I was smoking and I could feel my jaw and mouth tingle every time I smoked and just knew how stubborn I was for continuing to smoke despite all of the negatives. I knew that it was hindering my healing process... and I said no more. I threw away two packs. And just stopped.

It took a little longer for the drinking to stop. I thought I could be okay with it and I was having trouble with the whole "reality" of it all. But He showed me to be of sober mind.

I don't want to smoke. I don't want to do drugs. I don't want to be drunk. That used to be all I wanted to do.

I'm not angry. I am not bitter. I am not hateful. I am not playing the victim. I am not out for revenge. I am not in bondage to those things anymore. I am free in Christ. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am a new creation.

It's been three years -look at me now. I am a miracle. God is real. Jesus is alive. He is living in me, guiding me, carrying me, giving me strength.

This is my testimony. I don't know if you know it. Not many people know all the details and it's probably not a good idea to tell everybody. But this is what my God did for me, this is who I've become -because of Him, not because of me. I feel His power in me everytime I choose Him and not sin.

This is my story,
This is my song.
Praising my Savior,
All the day long.

To Ever Live Without Me - Jody McBrayer